Tag Archives: depressed

Bipolar… a rambling brain

The following material is an honest, vulnerable representation of a true mental or psychological illness.
Please proceed with care.

So, I have been trying to write, edit and add photos for the blog post I promised, “How to Remove Red Icing from Carpet,” but my brain rambles so that I cannot get the stupid thing finished!! Ha! It’s really NOT a stupid post it’s actually very beneficial, I think; however, I am on a rant!

Living with Bipolar Disorder is like being trapped inside a brain that NEVER stops. For example, I should be in bed asleep right now, but all I can think about is the 100’s of things that I want to accomplish. My biggest problem is that I don’t have a lick of energy most days. Today, was actually a very productive day (LOVE those days). Unfortunately, those days are limited to about 2-3 days per week, and they are almost guaranteed to be followed by a day that I can hardly get out of bed. Hence the overwhelming amount of pins on my Pinterest, the reason for starting this blog, and the reason that I pray that I will somehow find a job working from my home computer. ***PLEASE do NOT send me a bunch of spam, work-from-home schemes!! =) ****

{{This isn’t a job interview, but when I was proof-reading I had to add…. I am a very good employee, I learn quickly and work hard; unfortunately, my psychological disorder likes to rear its ugly head at the most inopportune times. I have had to quit many a jobs because I literally could not make it into work.}}

I realize that this is a very personal post. People (maybe you) are most likely judging me as you read this. Bipolar disorder and Depression in general have a very large stigma attached to them. People have very strong opinions about people like me. I get it. It’s easy to say, ” Well, I don’t want to get out of bed most days, but I have to.” “I feel depressed but I go on with my life.” I say, GOOD FOR YOU!! I thank God that everybody does not have to endure the pain, both physical and mental, that I experience on a regular basis.

Why am I telling you this?

A few reasons…

1. I can’t turn my brain off long enough to write the post that I want to write.
2. I knew when I started this blog that eventually (maybe not this soon) I intended to share my life with bipolar, depression and all of the experiences that come along with it. LOL…. to be honest, you would have figured it out eventually. My brain bounces around so much that it’s hard for ME to keep up, much less anyone else. My boyfriend lovingly jokes by saying, “How was your day today, honey? Did you see that bunny rabbit?” LOL. Thaaaat’s funny. I don’t care who ya are.
3. We, the people who live with these debilitating illnesses, have stayed silent, hidden in the shadows, and coward away from telling “our” truth because of the fear of judgment.
4. And final. I have personally experienced too many friends and family members committing suicide! Statistics say that suicide is on a rise. How can I, a person, a humane person, step aside and watch as the suicide rate increases when I know all too well WHY it’s happening? I know all too well, what that pain feels like. To be willing to give everything up to make the pain go away, the problems go away, the despair, hopelessness, overwhelming thoughts of sadness, worthlessness, …… it goes on and on and on…..

=) Smile! Please?!
I honestly didn’t intend for this to turn into such a dark, gloomy blog post, and if it has I am truly sorry. I’m just hoping, and praying, that you will not shed too much judgment…. or shame onto me… “us.” I am speaking out for many people when I share a glimpse into the dark that is within. Fortunately, (LOL!) I don’t just battle depression which is mostly what I’ve been talking about, but I also get to experience Bipolar. Yay, me! Lol! NOT!! Ha.

Anyway, this is turning into much more “sharing” than I had intended. Lol.

If you continue to stick with me and follow my blog, I promise, it will not ALL be like this!!

I have lots of fun DIY, decorating, Pinterest recreations, furniture painting, thrift store junking and more cool family fun projects. This type of post is just like my disorder. It’s a part of me, but it does not define me. There is sooo much more. I just hope that you will stick around long enough to find out. And who knows? Maybe through posts like this one you will learn something that just might help your brother, sister or best friend.

Yours Truly,
Rambling Rose

P.S. This whole blog is very confusing and I am not very tech-capable!! If you can offer any tips, suggestions etc. for easy posting such as linking to another one of my posts, or linking to another blogger or pinterest, or how to make those cool little collage photos that I see other bloggers using…. pretty much anything!! LOL! I need help… Lol, in more ways than one! =)